When I was a kid, I would spend most summer days at the local public pool with my friends. The pool had a huge room with like 4 or 5 ping pong tables in it. Sometimes we would find this room totally to ourselves on which occasion we would play a game of Super Ping Pong in which we used the entire room and all surfaces to hit as many balls as we could chaotically back and forth. (It was not a game to regulation standards of the International Table Tennis Federation.)
Lately I’ve been trying to revive my daily meditation practice and I’ve been finding my brain and thoughts remind me of a game of Super Ping Pong.
Sometimes my mind is like many trajectories flying illicitly around in a thousand directions with the aim, seemingly, of sowing chaos.
Perhaps it’s no surprise then that many arpeggios and bouncing delays are two of my all time favorite sound palettes to play with, like the ones you hear in this improv.
I’ve been meditating again because when I don’t, I sometimes lose touch with the voice that is there in the middle of the room, trying to speak loud enough to be heard whilst being assaulted by many flying little balls.
It’s made me learn that knowing yourself is not an objective accomplished once but a process cultivated continually.
Because our selves are sneaky. Ever-changing. There behind the curtain of our flurry of thoughts, we become many people over the course of a life.
Sometimes spending time with myself is like reconvening with my first and oldest friend.
Other times looking in the mirror is thrilling and disorienting. Shocking to look up and see a new image where my same old familiar picture used to hang.
It makes me think of those scenes in the movie Black Swan where her reflection starts moving on its own, revealing her own inner darkness to herself. I was terrified to look in a mirror for months after seeing that movie.
Ultimately though, it feels pretty joyful to me that it’s true in this life that we can surprise ourselves.
I hope you use the time listening to this episode to spend some real quality time with your self. Please enjoy “music for reflection”, and thank you for listening!
About Synthquest
Synthquest is an improvised, ambient music podcast and livestream.
“Episodes” are recorded live via a livestream on Twitch on Mondays and Wednesdays at 9pm CT, performed by Jen Starsinic (and friends). weekly recordings are posted as a podcast.
Created inspired by the long history of music as improvisatory, spontaneous music, Synthquest started as a way to have a music practice in real time with listeners that celebrates the imperfection of the journey of creative growth.
You can tune into the livestreamed recording of synthquest — Mondays and Wednesdays at 9pm CT.
